|
How Freaking Similar Are Leelee Sobieski and Helen Hunt?
By
Michael
 Am
I the only freaking person on the planet to notice this? They are the same goddamn
person, only 15 years apart! Seeing the two of them in a room together must
be like some kind of wacked out version of Back To The Future, but with
hot chicks instead of Michael J. Fox (which is really what it should have been
in the first place). Come to think of it, I don’t think I have ever
seen them in a room together.
The real question: Why hasn’t anyone put them in a movie together as mother
and daughter? Surely the delightfully uplifting and erotic Anywhere But Here
would have been better made with these two fine female specimens as the leads.
(Not that I’ve got anything against Natalie Portman. I’d certainly
like to 'Natalie' her 'Portman'. 'Padmé' her 'Amidala'. 'Insert my penis'
into her 'vagina' 'repeatedly'.)
Hell, just about any movie I can think of would be better made with Leelee
and Helen in it. Police Academy would be better. (Leelee could have replaced
Michael Winslow; I'm sure she can do sound effects.) Twins would definitely
be better. Imagine the hilarity of a movie about twins that look identical!
Haha! (Why hasn't an agent in Hollywood picked up on my brilliant ideas?) Jesus,
even Pulp Fiction would have been more enjoyable. (Hunt’s outburst
of “English, motherfucker!!” would have been worth the price of admission
alone.)
I don’t know. Maybe this was just some lame excuse to put some pictures
of two hot women on the internet. Or maybe… just maybe… I’ve
exposed a deep truth.
 I
rearranged the letters in Leelee Sobieski’s name and formed the expression
"Bees Like Eloise". Helen Hunt once*
said that if she ever had a daughter, she would name her Eloise. So if you talk
wit’ da rhythm, see, y’all be seeing dat Leelee “bees like Eloise”.
And that’s just the beginning of this deep, scary rabbit hole.
Helen Hunt is dating Hank Azaria, who starred with Leelee Sobieski in Uprising.
Apparently**, Azaria continually approached Sobieski
on the set, asking if she would come back to his trailer and engage in compromising
activity, answering to the name Helen if he slipped her $200.
Now, don't get me wrong. I’m not saying I know everything that’s
going on in this evil conspiracy. I’m just reporting the facts. You decide
for yourself.
Hint: If you decide they shouldn’t be in a movie together, you
are wrong.
* By once, I mean never.
** By apparently, I
mean ‘wouldn’t it be funny if’.
|
