20. Stand perfectly still
at the front window until someone on the street notices you. Quickly
pull the blinds down, then, seconds later, peer around the blinds
at them. Proceed until they a) Go away, or b) Call the police.
19. Play the same CD on every
stereo in the house at once. Try to synchronize them.
18. SCARE YOUR PETS!!! Then
cuddle them. THEN SCARE THEM AGAIN!!! Then cuddle them. Ahh, a
nice, quiet cuddle--SCARE!!! No baby, it's okay... SCARE!!! If
they run away, they'll be back, for food; make sure you're ready
for action when they return.
17. Sit on the front porch
with a bottle of scotch. Yell abuse at pedestrians. Say nonsense.
Wave your arms. Yell. For bonus points, colour a tooth black beforehand.
16. Hide in the bushes near
your mailbox and wait for the mailman to arrive. When he reaches
for the mailbox, scream as loud as you can. If he tries again,
scream again.
15. Report a robbery to the
police. When they arrive and ask what was stolen, reply "Only
my heart," and give them a long, warm hug.
14. If you live in an apartment,
continually tap morse code for "SOS" on the neighbours'
walls. If they come to your door, deny any knowledge of the signals.
Continue tapping once they leave.
13. Search for secret passages.
12. Turn everyone's clothes
inside out, and carefully put them back in place.
11. Explore your sexuality
using other people's toothbrushes.
10. Superglue all of the
furniture to the ceiling. Oh, sure, it may take you over 3 days
of solid hard labour, but boy, imagine the looks on their faces!
9. Establish a permanent
fort in the main TV room of the house. Refer to it as "Control
Base Alpha". Store food supplies and ammunition in there.
8. Drink!
7. Set up whoopie cushions
around the house. Offend yourself.
6. Grab the walking lead
for your dog and yell "WALKIES!" (or whatever gets your
dog excited); then put the lead back, sit down, and watch TV.
5. Rummage through the darkest
corner of the freezer with your eyes shut. Eat the first thing
you grab.
4. Gather up all the spare
change hidden behind the couch, chairs, and bed frames. Throw
it at passing cars.
3. Go through the history
and cache of each computer in the house. Take notes for blackmailing
purposes.
2. Zip yourself up in the
bean bag, staying as still as possible. When people return and
someone sits on you, yell "TUBBS McGRAVITY!"
1. Discover which storage
spaces your cat fits into.
