Above:
Students are too preoccupied with studies to concern themselves
with long-term goals and finances. |
Planning
For Long-Term Financial Security
By Michael
In the modern world, a young person's lifestyle leaves no time
for managing taxes, calculating interest, or seeking advice on the
stock market. Professional investors seem to find money on trees,
and young stockbrokers own BMWs by the age of 25. In this article,
you will be shown two sure-fire ways to guarantee a fast and healthy
income.
The simplest but most common mistake novices make when financial
planning is assuming that in order to earn a steady income, one
must earn interest from existing wealth, or take large risks to
gain profits. Clearly this is not true. One of the easiest and most
overlooked ways to earn quick profits is
1) Sucking Cock For Money
Above:
Cock. |
Novices in this field may require a professional's assistance
to start out. (Obtaining representation is relatively easy - just
contact your local pimp and ask to become his "bitch"*.)
For maximum profits and minimum risk, remember the three Ws:
Practice sucking cock wherever, whenever
and with whoever you can. The difference
between a good head job and a great head job may seem insignificant
at first, but each slop, slap or slurp could make or break that
Lexus by the time you're 25.
Professionals in this area may learn many different techniques,
such as "deep throating"**
and "swallowing"***. All
are documented in detailed guides available both on and offline,
for example:
The
Fine Art of Sucking Cock
Fellatio
Hardcore Cock Sucking
* "Bitch" is the financial
term for "client".
** "Deep throating"
is another expression meaning "calculated risk taking".
*** "Swallowing" is
the industry term for "taking a long-term investment".
If semen eating isn't your area of expertise, you may want to consider
2) Robbing Your Local Bank
Above:
All you need is a gun. |
Banks expect losses these days, so what better place to start
your money making? Owners of weapons are at a natural advantage
here, but that shouldn't stop working class parents or single
mothers from considering this option.
Some tips for novices:
- Ask the teller for all of the money.
- Do not remove your thumb and forefinger from
your jacket.
- Contrary to the movies, cursing is not shined
upon. Be polite. Ask how the teller's day has been.
- Dye packs are a convenient way to instantly
respray your getaway car.
- Girls think bank robbers are sexy.
- Remember not to give the teller identification
when he or she asks for it.
- When waiting for the teller to fill your bag
with money from the till, sing a lullaby to calm everyone down.
We recommend "Rock A Bye Baby".
By following one or even both of the above steps, you will be guaranteed
your health, wealth and wisdom for years to come*.
* "Health" may include
genital herpes, broomstick-handle sodomy, and Hepatitis C.
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