1.
Stand in front of the 14DD section of Bras 'N' Things and shout
"HA-WOOOOO-GAH!!"
2. Buy a bag of
liquorice from Darrell Lea, eat it in the shop, then tell the
girl she can have it back if she doesn't mind waiting 12 hours.
3. Run into Guess
What, sprint up to the counter and scream "WHAT??"
Repeat until evicted.
4. Correct all the
graffiti spelling mistakes in the lavs. If so inclined, write
a brief appraisal and mark out of 10.
5. Stand outside
Games Workshop handing out deodorant, toothpaste and washing
powder.
6. Take advantage
of Myer's frequently empty customer service counters by standing
behind one and yelling "NO SOUP FOR YOU" at customers.
7. Join the cinema
queue and immediately moan very loudly about how slow it is.
"Oh jesus christ! I don't have all fucking day! Come on!
Jesus fucking christ!" When you get to the front, ask for
a big mac and large fries.
8. Go to centre
management and report a naked person humping all the motorbikes
in the lower level car park. Then take off all your clothes
and run downstairs.
9. Make farting
noises in the David Jones cosmetics section and glare damningly
at the 50 year old woman behind the counter.
10. Taunt the Disney
Store greeter until he cries like a big girl.
11. Ask the tailor
if she can fix Rachel's puncture. If she refuses, tell her it's
all right because you scraped most of the crusty bits off earlier.
12. Delight and
entertain the Wendy's chick by drawing witty parallels between
ice cream cones and bong cones.
13. Walk into the
wrong toilets, feign surprise and leave. Repeat at thirty second
intervals until you can't get away with it no more.
14. Go to Pets Paradise
and ask for a number 22 with black bean sauce.
15. Stand near the
checkouts at Harris Scarfe and yell "RED LIGHT SPECIAL!!"
Quickly dart into a nearby aisle and watch three hundred grannies
run head-first into each other.
16. Nonchalantly
browse the clothing in Portmans, giving the impression you're
waiting for your girlfriend. When you hear an obviously size
12 customer say "actually I'm a size 8," laugh hysterically
for several minutes. Fall to the floor and thump the ground
with your fists for added effect.
17. Wait until a
substantial number of grannies are packed into an up escalator,
then hit the emergency stop button and watch them topple like
mothball-smelling dominoes.
18. Find the supermarket
aisle with all the Dick Smith products and make obnoxious dick
jokes. "Dick butter! Dick juice! Dick biscuits! Dick sauce!"
This can be surprisingly entertaining.
19. Go up to a six-year-old
bogan kid with a mullet and yank it. Hard.
20. Buy stuff.
