20.
Play the game "Does my head fit in my desk drawer?"
19. Slowly turn and stare
at the person who sits next to you. When they notice and look
up, quickly look back at your computer screen. When they stop
looking and go back to work, slowly turn your head again. Repeat.
18. Drink lots of water
and see how long you can go without urinating.
17. At an unsupervised
employee's computer, send porn to the entire company.
16. Only turn left for
the rest of the day.
15. Practice spinning
on your swivel chair until you achieve "the zone". Impress
your colleagues with your turning tricks.
14. If the person next
to you has action figures on his/her desk, make them do sex things.
Draw speech bubbles on post-it notes and make them talk dirty
to each other.
13. Find two computers
that are back to back and switch the monitor connection on both
of them.
12. Print all of your
reports in size 20 Comic Sans font with 4cm margins.
11. Go to the toilet and
cover your hands in soap and water then enter a cubicle. When
someone arrives and have made themselves comfortable, see how
many repetitive slapping slurping noises you can make before they
leave.
10. Discover the limits
of innocent flirting and sexual harrassment by referring to all
females in the office as "Tits" and "Taco Pants".
For bonus points try "Jizz Bucket".
9. Hide under your desk
and start calling someone's name repeatedly, like you're trying
to get their attention.
8. Pull people's headphones
off as you walk past.
7. Discreetly pick a target
in the office and throw small bits of screwed up paper at their
head when they're not looking. Slowly increase the amount of paper
until you're using a full scrunched A4 sheet. Slowly add more
and more weight until you knock them unconscious or kill them.
6. Talk with a lisp. When
people ask why you're talking with a lisp, get offended and tell
them they're insensitive.
5. Declare yourself as
the office Robin Hood and steal from people's change drawers/boxes/tins
for your lunch when they're not around. And since you're the poor,
just buy your lunch with it.
4. If somebody heads for
the printer, beat them to it and start printing test pages. Examine
them, say "Hmmm", and keep printing.
3. See how loudly you
can say "penis" without anyone noticing.
2. Call meetings with
4 random employees. When they arrive, ask them if they've been
having 'the dreams' aswell.
1. In the kitchen,
mumble something about shooting everyone with a gun. If someone
asks what you said, deny any knowledge of saying anything, then
as you walk away mutter something about the apocalypse.
