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September 2004
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YOU'RE A TERRORIS... oh wait, typo
By Adam - 2:09 PM, Monday, September 27, 2004 - 8 Comments |
Following news that Yusuf Islam (formerly Cat Stevens) was refused entry to the US because of a spelling error, imagine if this happened to, say, oh I dunno, Prince:
Customs: What's your name, sir?
Prince: 
Customs: You sure about that, sir? Says  here.
Prince: But I put on the thing.
Customs: No you didn't, sir, you wrote on the form. Look.
Prince: ...oh. Well it's
Customs: That's not what I have here, sir. This form is legally binding and our records show WILL YOU STAND WHEN I'M ADDRESSING YOU PLEASE SIR.
Prince: I am.
Customs: ...
Prince: ...
Customs: Well I can't let you in, sir. The records don't match.
Prince: My name is and I am funky! How many times do I have 2 tell U?
Customs: I'm afraid I must ask you to wait in that room over there.
Prince: Is it purple?
Customs: No.
Prince: Would U like a Jesus tea-towel?
Customs: No.
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Westpac
By Adam - 6:00 PM, Saturday, September 11, 2004 - 19 Comments
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Today I logged into my Westpac internet banking account, to transfer funds from one account to another. It won't let me access the service until I agree to a whole new set of Terms and Conditions. THIRTEEN THOUSAND WORDS of Terms and Conditions, including new fees for using internet banking.
I am completely locked out of internet banking until I accept these Terms and Conditions, despite the fact that the changes don't even come into force until the 5th of December 2004.
I received no prior warning at all, and the bank won't give me time to read the document in advance. I have to accept it immediately, or go without internet banking.
Westpac is doing this because it knows nobody will read a thirteen-thousand-word contract on the spot.
I called the bank to ask if they could please give me access until I get a chance to read the document. I was fed the following pre-prepared statements:
- Westpac in under no legal obligation to warn customers in advance of such changes
- It's there to 'protect' customers
- It's a 'short read' [thirteen thousand words of deliberately confusing Legalese is 'short'??]
- Customers can always use telephone banking instead
None of this excuses locking customers out of the service completely.
If any Australians can please recommend a bank that doesn't use such pathetic tactics to bully its customers, I would be most grateful. Fuck I'm furious.
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Toilet Paper Poetry
By Michael - 1:07 PM, Wednesday, September 8, 2004 - 4 Comments
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Just a quick one today. I noticed that the toilet paper in our bathroom has baby blue poetry written on it, amongst a few shells. It reads something along the lines of:
"Strolling along the beach,
The sun shines down,
Waves wash up on shore,
I spot a naughty seashell."
It amuses me that somewhere in the world, someone is writing poetry with the full knowledge that thousands upon thousands of people are going to wipe their arse with it. Do they have job satisfaction?
"Ted, have you got toilet paper poetry done yet?"
"Not yet Dave, sorry."
"It's three days late. This is ridiculous, you're holding up a production line."
"I know, I know, I'm really not happy with the third line. It's just not scanning properly."
Maybe I'd find the idea less ridiculous if they went with something more appropriate. I submit to you some poetry I would like to see on toilet paper.
"Contemplating the world,
Mind and soul at rest,
Body not so at rest,
Never eat Mexican again,
Splash." |
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