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June 2004
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I am speechless
By Michael - 9:21 AM, Thursday, June 24, 2004 - 11 Comments |
 If you ever wondered what kind of things would show up when you flip a few rocks over on the internet, here you go:
The Countdown to Hermione Granger's
18th birthday
Highlights include exhibit A on the right. I hope it's a gag site, for humanity's sake.
She is pretty hot though. |
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Man discovered without Gmail account
By Adam - 3:44 PM, Monday, June 21, 2004 - 9 Comments
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ABIDJAN, CÔTE D'IVOIRE: The world was shocked today to learn that Jean-Luc N'Kolo, 24, of Ferkessédougou, does not have an email account on the Google-operated Gmail service, nor has he received an invitation.
"I do not know any person which has an account of Gmail. Nobody does sent me an invitation," he said today. He believes living in a remote, desolate part of the country may have inadvertently led to an oversight in the Gmail beta selection process.
"We don't know how this could have happened," said Ned Winchester of Google Systems. "Every measure was undertaken to ensure only a very exclusive set of people received invitations to test the beta release of Gmail, and that the number of subscriptions to the beta service did not exceed seven billion.
"Mr N'Kolo fits our criteria as being within that highly specialised group, as he is human and has heard of the internet. As such, we are dispatching an emergency Google squad to Côte d'Ivoire, to ensure he receives his special invitation with all speed."
Mr N'Kolo is said to be delighted at the news, and believes he will soon be ready to show his face in public once again.
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Falling asleep on command
By Adam - 8:54 AM, Friday, June 18, 2004 - 1 Comment
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Ahhh. Nothing like six months from hell to sap you of all creativity. I recommend it heartily.
Last week while lying in bed, I thought, hmm, I wonder what would happen if I tried to mentally put myself to sleep. Next thing I remember is waking up the next day. So, I tried it the next night. Same effect. And again, and again, and again. Every time, that's the last thing I can remember doing.
Does this mean I've developed the capability of making myself fall asleep instantly? Me, the ultimate lie-awake-for-two-hours-every-night? Am I some kind of freak? Do I have brain damage? Is this self-enacted sleep-making in actual fact a signal my brain is sending to ALIENS, who come through the window and erase my memory, shortly after subjecting me to the most erotic, sensually profound anal probing I could imagine? Should I lay off the cocaine for a few days?
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Olsen Twins Turn 18 In One Day...
By Michael - 4:36 PM, Friday, June 11, 2004 - 5 Comments
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 That's right. You heard me!
The delightfully talented Olsen twins are finally turning 18. Now, I know, you probably expect me to say something dirty, given my reputation. You know, something like:
"I want to nut all over their faces and watch Ashley snowball Mary-Kate." Or: "I want to do Mary-Kate from behind with a champagne bottle covered in chocolate while Ashley rides my face like a ride-on mower." But I'm not. I'm just going to wish them a happy birthday.
Happy birthday Olsen twins! |
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The mystery of Explorer Street
By Tim - 11:29 PM, Tuesday, June 8, 2004 - 1 Comment
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Yes indeedy, another lame article of mine has gone up here.
As I submitted this mystery that will craze you to insanity, I noticed another mind-boggling occurence. Most of our articles have been submitted on a Wednesday! OMG! Can *you* figure it out? |
More News...
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