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May 2002

Paypal are well and truly TEH SUCK!!!1! By Tim - 9:42 PM, Tuesday, May 28, 2002 - 0 Comments

I am amazed anyone even manages to use PayPal. I've heard some horror stories about them, but I always dismissed them as they sounded pretty Fucked Up (tm). My story pales in comparison with them and is "standard procedure". The other week I tried to buy something off eBay. The guy was masquerading as an Aussie, but when I went to buy off him, it turns out he's in the US. Wanted to charge me USD$6 for shipping (when I got it, the stamp on the package was for $0.80). Anyway so PayPal is what he wants, and having a PayPal account for PorivoPeer account that was earning me some nice little money, I agreed. Went to go pay. Shit, they have my old and cancelled card on system. That's cool, go through their bullshit verification procedure and wait a few days. Finally goes through. Go to make the payment. Click send money. "Sorry, PayPal is undergoing system maintainence at the moment. Sorry for the inconvenience, we will be back up in 8 fucking hours!" Argh! So I'm pretty pissed at this point. So it finally comes back up after 10 hours, and I go through the whole rigamarole again. Click "send money". "Sorry, your account has been restricted. Please fax us a copy of your latest credit card statement and some photo ID." FUCK THAT!!! I use a debit card, so it doesn't even come with its own statement that has its number on it, and nor have I had it for ages, so I don't have any up to date statements. So basically all my cash sitting in that account is FUCKED. I send them emails explaining this to them and do you think it gets me anywhere? Supposedly personal email ignore everything I say and send me back utter SHIT. Cockknobs. Case in point: To: Tim Subject: Re: Restricted Webform: auto-uccd Dear Tim, Thank you for contacting PayPal. Unfortunately, your account restriction cannot be lifted at this time. Please fax us the information below so we may review your account further: 1. Copy of your monthly statement for the credit card ending in 8468 (The statement must show your name, address and account number exactly as they appear in your PayPal account) 2. Copy of your driver's license/passport If you have any further questions, please feel free to contact us again. Sincerely, Heather PayPal Account Review Department Original Message Follows: ------------------------- Form Message first name: Tim country type: Australia customer message: I have had my account "restricted" because the credit card I was using on PayPal was reported as compromised, BY ME, to my credit card company. I registered a new card and yet my account becomes restricted anyway. Why? I can't fax a statement because I don't get any! All my banking is online, and the card has been cancelled for several months now as well. I registered my new card successfully... so why did my account get locked? If someone could unrestrict my account and delete my old credit card from it I'd really appreciate it.

First day of work By Michael - 5:53 PM, Monday, May 27, 2002 - 0 Comments

Just thought I'd post a quick note to let everyone interested know that my first day of work was pretty cool. I've got a beast of a PC and unlimited snack/junk food, drinks, and gym membership :) w00t! And to think, I hadn't even been there a day and already had ICQ installed ;)... What? Productivity? What's that!?

Shaved cat. By Miles - 3:20 PM, Saturday, May 18, 2002 - 0 Comments

I think Michael was a fool for not bringing greater attention to this picture.

Stuff your face honey! By Michael - 10:08 AM, Saturday, May 18, 2002 - 0 Comments

Bored... home alone... nothing to do... Time to scrape the scum off the bottom of the web and serve it up as caviar! This site has photos of celebrities with and without make-up. The idea is you're supposed to see how fake Hollywood is. Call me crazy, but after seeing this photo of Alicia Silverstone to our right, it just made me want her even more. It's no secret she's a complete hornbag - nobody is going to say "Woah, why'd you go and start dating HER?" - and seeing a side of her that shows she isn't ashamed to stuff her face wearing flannel when she feels like it *really* turns me on. I tell you because you need to know. You'd think that after 6 years of weekly "Top 5" lists (that's 1560 gags in total), you'd run out of Scuba-Diving-specific topics. But you'd be wrong. How does so much energy get poured into something with such a limited target audience? And why haven't they run out of ideas and started making pathetic excuses at the top of each new list that allows that list to focus on land-based activites aswell? Wait, I'm thinking of Baywatch.

Anagram Goodness By Miles - 2:50 PM, Thursday, May 16, 2002 - 0 Comments

Ran my name through the anagram server. Here are a few choice responses: SCAREHEAD LENIS MOMMY AEROMEDICAL MESS HYMN CHARISMA MELODY SEMEN RACIAL DEEMS SOME HYMN ADMIRAL MECH SEEM SONY

Bzzscchhiww bzschiww chrrkkk (lightsabre noises) By Michael - 2:23 PM, Thursday, May 16, 2002 - 0 Comments

Well, in lieu of getting a job as a Playstation 2 programmer, I've had to force myself to finish up Asteroids. Version 1.0 is available at the new Asteroids website. If you find any bugs, let me know. For all the kids out there who are too young to drink or take drugs, be patient! Even Jesus drinks! I got "wrestle-with-Ches-shirtless-at-2am" drunk on Tuesday night. Since Ches hasn't posted anything for the last 8-9 millenia, I thought I'd let you all know that he drove to work drunk with a massive lump on his head from our wrestle match the night before. I woke up in the Miles bachelor pad alone, wondering where the hell everyone was. So the Star Wars premiere was last night in Australia. I didn't go. Can you guess why? Looks like I'll be going this Sunday. I hope by then I haven't already found out that the Princess has a curse on her that makes her turn into Yoda after midnight, or that Anakin turns into Darth Vader by smoking too many bongs and developing really bad athsma. Also, for the link hounds, I know this is incredibly lame and has been around since TCP/IP was invented, but see what anagrams you can make out of your name here. I did one for FOUR BITTER GUYS and got BIGOTRY FUTURES. What the nigger does that mean?

Employment = $$$ By Michael - 2:22 PM, Tuesday, May 14, 2002 - 0 Comments

I GOT THE JOB! I am now an offical Playstation 2 programmer baby! My only regret is that I vomited down the front of the interviewer's shirt. Damn hangovers. I think I mentioned a few posts ago that I had a minor car accident on the way to my first job interview. Well, I can admit that it was completely my fault - I was trying to simultaneously: a) Drive, 2) Read a map, AND d) Write an SMS Now, I deserved everything I got there. I was being irresponsible. But how many people do you know who write SMSes while they're driving? After asking all my friends, just about all of them have 'fessed up to it. I think it would be funny if you got an SMS from someone that said "WHAT TIME SHOULD I COME ROU--- WHOA! WHAT THE FUCK!--". I think a lot of things would be funny though, and sometimes people stare at me for a few seconds and smile, like I'm some kind of psychotic mental patient who just said I like to wear human livers as hats. On to more pressing issues, like what the hell is with this Bum Fights site that everyone's been linking to lately? Am I the only one who saw it and thought to myself "Holy shit, that's absolutely disgusting"? Now, I know I'm not exactly one to take moral high ground (look at all those quasi-porn links down the side of this page if you don't believe me :)...), and maybe you guys didn't watch the video, but I think it's pretty filthy stuff. And I thought 4BG was the bowels of the internet! Well, you know what they say, where there's bowels, there's a rectum. While I'm being a condescending, critical bastard, I'm still baffled by this whole underground "camgirl" world I stumbled onto the past few weeks. I find it strange that a bunch of (probably) underage girls set up webpages containing a live cam (which only runs for 4 hours a day anyway), an archive of them half naked, a blog which says "I'm SOO aNGRY!!! TV sU><0rZ RiGHT NOW!!!", and a wishlist which contains a flat screen TV and 30 Playstation 2 games. And what the fuck is with the ego of these people? Sounds like a clear case of teenage girl puberty if you ask me. (Address all male chauvenistic pig hate mail here.) The most disturbing part of this craze is that a whole bunch of them are from Australia! Is my country really bringing up a bunch of rich kid "daddy-would-be-horrified-to-know-I'm-a-web-wanna-be-porn-star!" whores who are willing to trade nude pictures for free CDs from strangers off the web? Or are they just too young to understand the completely fucked-up life they're launching themselves into? Or should we all just shut up and let them continue providing us with soft porn, seeing as they all claim they know what they're doing anyway? The most classic example I can come up with is Toki, pictured to our left. Aww. Isn't she cute? But wait, let's take a closer look at her site statistics: What the?! She gets nearly 150-200 hits a day, on a site that contains nothing but a web cam and a sparse, poorly typed diary! How does a girl get the attention of the internet? The answer is quite obvious really: Nudity. Nearly 50% of her hits are coming from The Plastic Wrap pr0n Competition. And, oh look! She's shaved for the occasion. After a little bit more digging into her dark history we see almost 25% of her hits come from The X-Knight Tongue Thong Contest. I don't know what's more scary - the fact there's sites that organise these competitions to promote camgirls, or the fact they enter them. Clearly she's not running her website to show off her body, she just wants hits and will stoop to any lengths to get them. I'm not the only one who's noticed Toki is willing to take a little more off than the others to get some exposure (no pun intended) - take a look at this amusing article. Anyway, I've been rambling on a bit too long about this, but it just freaked me out that there are girls out there willing to do this. Love the internet: really brings out the best in people.

Five dollars??? Get out of here!!! By Miles - 9:39 PM, Monday, May 13, 2002 - 0 Comments

Hi Everyone. Perhaps I'm humouring myself here in assuming we have an audience here... for all I know it's just me and Michael talking to ourselves. Oh yeah, and of course "Tim and Ches" *cough*. So yes, while Michael is busy drinking himself into oblivion over in research with a bottle of red, I'm attempting the same feat here in St Kilda with a bottle of white I found in my bar fridge, which has been there for at least a year. Ahhh the joys of being single... :) Nothing like having nothing better to do than get drunk by yourself and post updates on your website. Seriously though, I managed to forget a friend's birthday on Sunday. I've known her for 3 years now, spend almost every day with her, yet I somehow manage to completely forget her birthday. Argh. I went out and bought a bunch of presents, a cake, and she brought over a 6 pack of beer and forgave me. It's all good. :) Mmmm, taste the mud cake... and the beer. Anyhoo, I think Michael's got Friday's sequence of events a little bit wrong... Cop: Please blow into this tube. Michael: Sure. (phwwwwooooooooooooooo--) Cop: Stop. Michael: *gasp* Cop: One light was it? Michael: Uhhh... two... Cop: *wanders off* Michael: Fuck. Fuck shit ass crap. Jesus fuck my eye christ. Bastard. Cop: "You know, you're going to need to replace your license plates. Michael: Oh, really? No worries. Whatever. Anything else I can blow tonight officer? *wink* Cop:... But anyway, I digress. Apart from that, things are ticking along nicely. Uni = teh suck as usual, many, many projects keeping me busy. This man right here is keeping me plenty busy atm. Actually, I was just looking for an excuse to put his picture up - and seeing as the cs department will log who accesses their URLs, they'll soon realise I'm putting up pictures of my lecturers and come have a quiet "chat" with me soon. At any rate, I make no judgements on this man or his character. And then the baby looked at me. Um yeah, Eng Ball is next week, and me and Michael are going. We've been put on some random table, apparently with a girl and her 7 friends. I hope they're not guys. Never been to an engineering ball, so at least it'll be an interesting story. As long as Michael kisses another lesbian anyway. Wait.. did I say or think that? And just before I go: Songs of the moment: - Sugar - System of a Down - Luna - Smashing Pumpkins - Without me - Eminem - The theme music from Ogre's stage in Tekken (hahaha I'm sad ) - Anything by Everclear or Tool. Anyway... this stream of consciousness is now over. It was brought to you by the letter K and the number 6. Gute Nacht alle :)

You don't know me. By Michael - 6:54 PM, Monday, May 13, 2002 - 0 Comments

I fucking love the internet. I've got this big job interview tomorrow. Real important. Very crucial stuff. It's the big one. I'll either have a significant salary position or not at the end of it all. What should I do? I think I should get pissed. Surely that must help my chances, right? Job interviewers love hangovers! Of course, they come in different levels. The executives will really enjoy my sunglasses and blearry-eyed glares at them, accompanied by incoherent sentences. This big empty bottle of red wine in front of me says it all. It says: 'You just got lucky with a classy woman after a night out' doesn't it? Wait, hang on, maybe it says 'You just got drunk in front of your computer, didn't you Michael?'. You know what? I think it says 'Your life is worth nothing. Sell your soul to me. I am coming for you - Love, Satan'. In other news, today I got my arse out of my chair, into gear, and got my license plates replaced. Only cost me $45 in the end - I guess that's pretty good, I can't complain, considering I may well have been over the limit when I was pulled over, just like this guy to our right. Somehow I think he may be under the influence of something more intoxicating, however. Ugliness springs to mind, but from memory that won't make you blearry-eyed... just ugly-eyed. Right? What is up with trumpets anyway? Bet old Louis was a master of cunnilingus. I bet he could get a good tone out of any woman. What the hell am I talking about? Oh, one other thing: Check out this novel in the works by Craig Mitchell. He's a modern day hero of mine, of sorts. Has the balls/courage to write a novel, be a DJ, sing in a band and still maintain a brilliant sense of humour. I found this novel link a few days ago, and I should warn you, the last time it was updated was in 2000 (the novel has a few more chapters to be written yet! Hope you don't mind waiting a year or two) but you can join a mailing list to find out when the next chapter will be posted. This is Micky D signing out. Captain's last log before the interview. Stardate: Your mum. I don't want a 9-5 job. What am I doing? Who are you!!! It was my idea.

Fines and CamGirls and Links, Oh My! By Michael - 9:44 AM, Monday, May 13, 2002 - 0 Comments

So Friday night, I'm out for a few drinks with some mates in St. Kilda. I've had 2 full beers and we've only been there about an hour and a bit, so we come back to the car (the 1978 white Volvo, aka. love-mobile) and there's a nice big fat $50 parking fine on there. Great. Didn't even realise it was parked in a metered zone. So I carry on driving home, Miles in shot-gun and his (ex)roommate and friend of ours Dave in the backseat. We decide to get a slab and drink ourselves silly (and in fact it turns out we were silly enough, buying Tooheys New instead of Coldies - what the hell where we thinking?), and that all goes as planned. Then on the way home (all this driving was about 5-10 minutes worth) I get pulled over on *an overpass* about 2 streets away from Miles's bachelor pad of mystery. So I shit my pants thinking I might be over the limit, and sure enough it's a random breath test. What is it about cops that, when they breath-test you, they never tell you the result straight away? It's always: Cop: "So, had anything to drink tonight?" Me: "Uhh, yeah, I should be okay though." Cop: "Blow into this until I say stop." Me: (phwwwwooooooooooooooo--) Cop: "Stop." Me: (gasp) Cop: "How many beers did you have?" Me: "Uhh, 2." Cop: "Lights or full strength?" Me: "Uhh, full strength." Cop: (says nothing and walks over to his car) Me: (to my audience in the car) "Fuck. Fuck shit ass crap. Jesus fuck my eye christ. Bastard." Cop: (comes back, walks around the car a few times) "You know, you're going to need to replace your license plates." Me: (internal sigh of relief as I realise I'm not over the limit) "Oh, really? No worries. Whatever." Fucking bastard couldn't accept the fact that I was under the limit so he had to get me for license plates. Apparently they must be visible from 20 metres. Well mine fucking well *are*. What can I do though? At least he didn't take my license away or worse yet, take my license away and then rape me, making me squeal like a pig. I've had worse nights though. I was driving along with my girlfriend of the time and I got done for speeding ($165 fine + 3 points off my license - fair enough, I *was* speeding) and she got done for not having her seatbelt on (also fair enough, she *didn't* have her seatbelt on). I should point out though that at that stage we'd been on the road for about 15-20 seconds. $300 worth of fines in one stop. Blargh. I smell bacon. I digress. I was on the internet today reading Validate This and Amanda was raving about Gina, this cam chick who's always naked and walks around her house with webcams on her 24/7. I somehow also drifted across Fuck A Cam Girl and thought to myself "Jesus christ. That's wrong", then said out loud "Cool". You know how it is - devil on one shoulder, angel on the other. Anyway, since 4BG hasn't had a huge pile of hits lately (in fact, most of our hits are the offspray from Validate This's link to us - thanks Amanda!) I think it will be a really good idea to make the 5th Bitter Guy a *GIRL*. Devilishly clever, huh? :) Of course, she'll need to have a camera on her 24/7, be under 21, say "ROTFLLL!L!!!" a lot, and expose herself frequently. She must also have an Amazon wishlist and make 17 year old freaks buy her stuff. She must feel comfortable masturbating on camera and have an ICQ account, AIM account and hang out on IRC frequently. If you fit this bill, email us. We will make you famous. Or, you know, maybe just screw you up emotionally for life. One of the two, right? We'll see what happens. And hey, no harm done, right? :)

Men's Sport By Michael - 2:52 PM, Thursday, May 9, 2002 - 0 Comments

No words can do this photo justice. I laughed SO HARD at this that I had to post it. Much more at cameltoe.org. And just for fun: I find it amusing that searching on Yahoo for www.guys fucking guys.com brings up 4BG as the first link. In other news, it looks like locking myself in a basement, eating and drinking nothing but pizza and Coke has paid off. Asteroids may well have been my leg in the door to a Melbourne game company! As some of you know I'm trying to get a job in the game industry so I can be like Cliffy B to our left, and get to hang out with porn stars in my spare time. So anyway I've just scored a *second* interview with a prominent Melbourne game company next week, so hopefully all will go well and I'll be working on EA Quake 4 Tournament Rally 2002. Wish me luck :) This exhibit is closed.

Bowling scores By Tim - 11:16 AM, Tuesday, May 7, 2002 - 0 Comments

Hmm, not sure if I really want to post these but what the hey. I'll post the full details later. 8/4/02 Game 1: Game 2: Game 3: Overall high scores: 8/4/02 Gaz: 92 Scott: 102 Tim: 94 Gaz: 125 Scott: 98 Tim: 131 Gaz: 107 Scott: 83 Tim: 99 Gaz: 158 Nick: 165 Tim: 152 Scott: 144 15/4/02 Tim: 118 Scott: 144 Nick: 134 Gaz: 158 Tim: 104 Scott: 104 Nick: 102 Gaz: 131 Tim: 74 Scott: 72 Nick: 108 Gaz: 143   29/4/02 Nick: 108 Gaz: 128 Tim: 112 Scott: 107 Nick: 110 Gaz: 113 Tim: 101 Scott: 82 Nick: ?? Gaz: ?? Tim: ?? Scott: ??   6/5/02 Tim: 87 Nick: 125 Gaz: 97 Tim: 122 Nick: 163 Gaz: 158 Tim: 152 Nick: 165 Gaz: ??

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