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March 2003
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Dambuilders
By Tim - 11:27 PM, Saturday, March 29, 2003 - 4 Comments |
 I've been meaning to mention these guys for ages and ages.
Simply put, these guys are the best alternative rock out of the 90s. They came onto the scene way back in 89, then had a few reasonably received releases in 91, 92 (an EP I bought), 93 and 94. Then in 1995 it all changed with the release of "Teenage Loser Anthem". This is seriously one of the best songs I've heard in my life. Do yourself a favour and download it off Kazaaa. Needless to say, anyone who knows me, KNOWS how much 1995 meant to me, and what a defining year it was for me. Even now, listening to the Dambuilders is such an amazing experience, I'm amazed that they never made the big time. Do yourself a favour and at least download Teenage Loser Anthem and experience the goodness for yourself.
Here's what I had to say back when I was lil 15 year old. And yes the Internet did exist back then. And yes that's when that page was created :D I can't believe it's still there.
Incidently, they released a final album in 1997, which is one of the best albums I've ever listened to. Every song off it kicks major arse, but it was poorly received. So they broke up. Fin. |
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You'd better be sorry...
By Michael - 1:46 PM, Sunday, March 23, 2003 - 11 Comments
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 Dirty dirty Tim has posted minutes before me with basically the same shit to talk about, but I'm funnier and am more attractive, not to mention the fact that my news post will appear first, so fuck you all, you can read it twice from two different people. :)
It seems 4 Bitter Guys has been receiving some interesting internet attention lately from some 14 year old kid (or someone with equivalent literature skills) who's writing for cam-mafia.com. You can read what he had to say here. Now, any publicity is good publicity, right?
For those that find clicking the mouse far too stressful, the entire article basically says we're all gay. Now look: I don't care if someone thinks I'm gay. In fact, generally I take it as a compliment, because it means I'm probably dressed well, and women find me attractive. Chicks always like gay guys, right? I can't speak for any of the other Bitter Guys, but I'm not gay. Actually, I have noticed Miles has been outside my bedroom window licking the glass and masturbating lately, but that's not important right now. And more to the point, this kid's article reeks of homophobia typical of a 14 year old. But that's not what pissed me off. What really pissed me off about this motherfucking little slutfuck's article was the fact he completely took my words out of context.
My Valentine's Day post was quoted WITHOUT the final "Love is a beautiful thing; embrace it. Fuckers.", making me look like a complete weirdo. And OF COURSE I USED THE FUCKING WORD YUMMY BECAUSE I WAS COMPLETELY SUGARCOATING MY NEWS ARTICLE TO THE POINT OF VOMITING!!! YOU DUMB, FAT INTERNET FUCK GEEK ARSE RAPER TIT SHITHOLE WITH THE SENSE OF HUMOUR OF A RANCID PILE OF BATSHIT!
*ahem*
In more positive* news, there's a new article for your amusement here: 20 Ways To Make The War More Interesting. Watching CNN will never be the same. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to blow. I mean go. Wait.
* Negative |
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Sorry
By Tim - 1:27 PM, Sunday, March 23, 2003 - 2 Comments
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 Apparently I'm responsible for inducing mass-nausea. My apologies. To make up for it, here's a photo of me trashed at my engagement party last night.
To also help people get over their trauma, here is a brand new article from Michael. By brand new, I mean, rehashing the "20 things" articles. But that's okay, cause it's still funny.* Anyway, here it is.
In other news we're all apparently raving homosexuals. Michael and Adam's effeminate personalities certainly do convey the sense they love the cock. But they don't. Well, Michael might a bit, but not enough to be gay. Make up your mind here.
* May not actually be funny |
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Happy Birthday Adam.
By Tim - 12:25 PM, Thursday, March 20, 2003 - 5 Comments
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From all of us.
Here's a photo from the party.
Here's the stripper we got him.
Hope you had fun mate. |
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And now, a joke.
By Michael - 2:36 PM, Monday, March 17, 2003 - 10 Comments
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Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated." |
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My Nemesis Returns
By Michael - 1:33 PM, Friday, March 14, 2003 - 9 Comments
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It has been a long time since the Monash freeway tried to kill me. Its vicious attempts to distract me with its electronic sign of death failed, so it turned nasty and took out Wipey... (long pause)... *I promised myself I wouldn't cry*... (deep breath)... I stood tall over that tragic day, gathered my courage, and faced the Devil's highway with a few scars and a brave face. Many months passed, and things finally started to be going okay. I even purchased a 1995 Lancer. (Not to mention sending Wipey II to be executed at the local wreckers', attached to my 1978 Volvo, which is now either crushed into a cube or sitting at the bottom of the Yarra river somewhere in Melbourne. Oh, the humanity.) Aside from that small car murder, things were finally starting to look up for me.
And then the fucking roadworks started. I am still certain that they are not real road workers, but are actually etheral workers created by the evil spirit that posesses the Monash freeway. I know if I drove at them, I would pass through them as they peeled the skin from their faces and screamed at me, trying to scare me off the road. Nonetheless, every other driver seems to believe they are real (they know not of the freeway's disposition) and thus I am forced to dribble along with the rest of the empty souls on the road at 60 kph.
And then, this morning, "the incident" happened.
I was cruising in my car to the grooves of DJ Ransom, thinking to myself about how I didn't remember that bit in the song, and how being on a bus for a long time gives you an erection. The hi-hat line in the song was getting louder, and I noticed it was synchronised to my car's tacho. "Mmmmm... interesting!" I said to myself, muting the music and (not surprisingly) hearing the tick-tick-tick-tick noise continue. It was around this time I noticed the needle on the temperature gauge on my dashboard reaching high for the sky, possibly attempting to break free of its glass cage and "pull a Wipey". What was it about car parts that didn't like me? I was beginning to develop a complex. At this stage, I put two and two together and noticed the vast quantities of steam rising from the bonnet. "Mmmm! Even more interesting!" I said to myself with a blank smile on my face, supressing the ball of anger and rage inside me that was growing rapidly, and decided to pull over.
Twenty minutes later, Tow Truck guy arrived. Now, I like Tow Truck guys. I'm not exactly sure how they get into the tow truck business. Was their dad a Tow Truck guy? Did they just rock up at the tow truck depot and say "I'd like to drive tow trucks?" Did they just blow the owner? Mmm. Boggles the mind doesn't it? In any case, Tow Truck guy was here, pulling a spiderweb of chains from the rear of his vehicle. He seemed a friendly guy, and didn't give me any shit for being a guy and knowing nothing about cars. Now, I normally have an ace up my sleeve when I'm trying to get along with guys. "Yeah, I develop Playstation 2 games." "Fuck, awesome!" is normally the reply and all of a sudden they're my best buddy, but I didn't need to bust out that zinger today; he was easy to get along with. Happy times.
Tow truck guy took me off the freeway to somewhere a little more quiet, with the sole intention of providing a safer place to repair my car, not for raping me or anything like that; as I said before, Tow Truck guys are cool. This one was especially cool for saving my arse when I was stuck directly on a tarmac surface made of concentrated Satan.
Another twenty minutes later and the RACV repair guy arrived. After I explained the situation, he said to me "Righto, just pop your bonnet mate and we'll see what's going on." "No worries," I said, getting back into the driver's seat. Everything was going to be fine. It was at this moment I realised to my sheer horror that I didn't know where the button to pop the bonnet was. I've had the car for over a month; how spastic was I? "It's got to be around here somewhere," I said to myself, certain I was going to find it within the next 5 seconds. My eyes scanned wildly, knowing that through my windshield, a 30 year old guy was staring at me, starting to think to himself "Is this guy insane? Is this even his car? He doesn't even know where the bonnet pop button is! Maybe he's retarded. He looked kind of out of it. Maybe I should call for back up." It took me an embarrassing fifteen seconds (which felt more like thirty) to find it. *ka-choong* The bonnet rose half an inch; my testicles lowered by the same amount. Phew.
It turned out the radiator cap was leaking all the pressure and my car just died of thirst. It was lucky I didn't blow the engine (or the Tow Truck guy, for that matter).
Somehow, I just know Monash freeway is responsible for all this; it tried to take me out AGAIN. Monash freeway is Sideshow Bob, and I am its Bart Simpson. It distracted me, tore pieces off my vehicle, slowed me down with its evil ghosts, and attempted to boil my car alive.
Retribution day is coming. (And so is Tow Truck guy. OH GOD!!! Tow Truck guy!) |
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Mmmm... Ches.
By Miles - 11:53 AM, Thursday, March 13, 2003 - 17 Comments
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 I was at Uni today waiting to go into my Cinema Studies lecture (which, incidentally, is the best lecture of the week with over 90% female attendance, a breath of fresh air after doing Engineering - quite literally, most geeks forget to put deoderant on), when I thought I saw Ches step out of the lecture theatre. Never mind that he doesn't go to Uni, never mind that he wouldn't be in a biology class even if he was, my first instinct was to wave at him and say hi. Just before I could do so I saw the person again, and realised it was actually a girl. Not only was it a girl, but quite an attractive girl.
What the HELL does that say about me? |
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Twins != Same
By Tim - 7:47 AM, Wednesday, March 12, 2003 - 9 Comments
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As much as scientists would have you believe that identical twins are clones of each other, I tend to disagree. What basis do I have to this conclusion? Our choice in movies and TV shows.
I have Miles calling me to tell me watch "a great new show". Yet there is always a later disclaimer.
"Watch 24, best show EVAR!!". But it's boring. "No, it's just the first few episodes, it gets better." But the characters are annoying as hell and it's all pretty unbelievable. "You need to have a few beers, can't watch 24 without a few beers!"
Or how about last night. "Watch Meet My Folks tonight, it's a pearler!!" Now for those of you not in Australia [That okay Adam? Pedant] Meet My Folks is a show produced by Channel 7 (also creators of such amazing stuff as Your Life on the Lawn and Surprise Chef).
The premise is to have three suitors (or suitorettes) going for some snotnose rich kid with the parents hanging around and interviewing the kids. Invariably, it's the rich jocks and coolies who you hated in high school having their mating ritual displayed on TV for all to see, with all the amusing yet totally predictable "dirty secrets" of the suitor[ette]s aired in front of the parents. The grand finale, of course, is the use of a lie detector test where the parents ask the same questions every time. "Did you pash my son/daughter this weekend?" "If you went on the holiday with them will you try and have sex with them?" "Do you cheat/lie/kiss the same sex/etc often?"
So I watched last night's show on Miles' recommendation and it was terrible. I felt like punching every person in the face. They were just all so vacuous, stuck up and utterly thick.
So what was Miles' disclaimer for last night? "But the girls man! Kissing! EACH OTHER! And they were hot! Plus watching dopey people squirm is fun." Indeed.
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Fashion Dilemma
By Adam - 7:16 AM, Thursday, March 6, 2003 - 13 Comments
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I can never remember what I wear to things, and the danger of wearing the same thing twice -- or thrice -- running is ever present on my mind. Imagine the look of surprise and horror on the faces of my more sophisticated friends (like Miles) if I wore the same shirt to two soirées in a row!
So. How to resolve this troubling conflict? I considered a rotor but that's dorky, and you can't exactly ask your mates what you wore last time. "Hey Daz, remember that night we went to McDonald's? Was I wearing the lincoln green long sleeves and faux-mother-of-pearl press studs? Or was it the light blue number with the sort of criss-crossy thing happening across the front?"
With a distinct lack of non-propeller-head alternatives, and the danger of uncool repetition looming large, I've decided to name all my shirts. That way I can remember 'who' I took with me last time, confident in the knowledge that I don't double up. Today I'm wearing Gary and tomorrow it's Colin, because I've already ironed Trevor specially for Saturday night. I was going to wear Tim that night but it's a bit poofy.
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A brilliant new idea emerges at Omo Headquarters...
By Adam - 8:39 AM, Tuesday, March 4, 2003 - 2 Comments
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"Get this: Omo Tablets!"
<silence>
"It's Omo, but in tablet form!"
<silence>
"What does it do?"
"It's exactly the same as Omo, but it comes in a tablet!"
"Uh... why, exactly?"
"Well, it's easier than measuring a tedious scoop every time! Think of the time you'll save!"
"No it isn't."
<silence>
"Ah! But it's not as messy! Think of the cleaning time you'll save! No more powder spills!"
"Right, hands up who spills their laundry powder."
<no hands>
"Um... Ah-ha! It works better than laundry powder! It fights stains at the core and lifts oil, grease, red wine, sper..."
"We say that about all our products."
"But... uh... okay... um... AH! It has a conditioning agent! It conditions... while it washes!"
"So does everything else we sell."
"But... um... it's cheaper!"
"How can it be cheaper? We have to buy new machinery to make it."
<silence>
"...so who's going to buy this thing?"
"Students and single fathers?"
"Perfect! Notify the Omo Careline immediately!!"
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