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November 2002
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Welcome Aboard!
By Miles - 12:57 PM, Wednesday, November 27, 2002 - 5 Comments |
Say hello to our newest member - Spoonfan. He's not technically a Bitter Guy (that would require a new domain name), but is our new resident photoshop funny guy. Will the competition spur Michael into doing some new Ches photoshops? We can only hope.
And on that note, I leave you with Michael's crowning photoshop achievement. Enjoy. |
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Road rage
By Michael - 6:37 PM, Tuesday, November 26, 2002 - 4 Comments
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 I got up earlier than normal this morning. I'm not feeling well, but I was feeling bad about how I'd been consistently 15 minutes late for work for the past few weeks. I thought I'd do the right thing. Make an effort. Save the whales. All that.
But in the heavens above, God, a beer in his left hand and a big fat joint in his other, stared down at me and laughed. On the way to work, I got stuck behind a garbage truck, a tram, a front-end loader, and a tractor. I shit you not.
What the fuck was a tractor doing in St. Kilda? Was it going to cart hay across the beach? And what the hell was a front-end loader doing in Prahran? Loading things on its front end?!? And fuck my dildo, the god damn trams! "Public transport"? Sounds like communist talk to me.
I was half-expecting to see two men carrying a gigantic plate of glass across the road. You can all just fuck off, poo drivers of Australia. |
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Are you a Mad Gamer?
By Spoonfan - 6:26 PM, Tuesday, November 26, 2002 - 8 Comments
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 Did I say 'Mad Gamer'? I meant 'Sad Lamer'.
This is Eric. When Eric eats a banana, an amazing transformation occurs.
Eric is... Bananaman! |
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Penis
By Adam - 8:28 AM, Monday, November 25, 2002 - 7 Comments
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From my window I can see a crane. Of phallic symbols cranes are the most obvious, but this one has SCHWING written across it in big black letters. Do you think anyone else in my building can see the humour in that? No, they bloody can't.
Yesterday I went to a brand new McDonald's to use the toilet. The doors had the usual man/woman/disabled/nappy signs on them, with braille lettering punched into the signs. Excellent. Fantastic. So assuming Mr Blind Man knows there's a McDonald's there at all (it's on a busy intersection, accessible only by car), then finds his way to the actual building, then finds the door to get inside, then finds his way to the toilet door, then magically knows how to find a small sign halfway up the door to know that (a) it's a toilet and (b) it's his toilet, it's a remarkably ingenious system. Brilliant.
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Metal Gear Solid 2 - Ches style!
By Miles - 8:45 AM, Friday, November 22, 2002 - 9 Comments
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Although he may be gone as a Bitter Guy, the memory of Ches lives on - through amusing videos and photoshop work. You'll need DivX 5 to be able to view the video of Ches in the box.
 
Oh yeah and I finished exams yesterday. Woooo!! |
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Things that suck
By Adam - 4:24 PM, Tuesday, November 19, 2002 - 5 Comments
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- Baby On Board signs: What do these people expect, that we care? That we would otherwise have run into their car?
- Easy meals: How hard is it to make curried sausages?
- Mobile ringtones: A top 40 song coming from a piezo buzzer was quirky as a novelty for about five minutes. Hearing a crappy monotone rendition of the theme from Mission Impossible for the five millionth time isn't.
- Televised awards ceremonies: Who cares if some waiflike tart in a thong is deemed Best Supporting Actor by several thousand housewives who filled out their TV Week voting coupon?
- Bootscootin': I challenge you to go down your local bootscootin' club and find one person who looks happy. One.
- Lotteries: I have relatives who drop whatever they're doing to watch Oz Lotto so they can scratch this week's numbers onto the nearest redundant Bi-Lo receipt and summarily complain about the bloody lottery being rigged because their one-in-eight-hundred-thousand chance of drawing the jackpot didn't happen this week.
- Four wheel drives: With a 4.6 litre engine, a heavy duty bull bar and the ability to pull a twelve storey highrise along the ground at 20km/h, Rhonda is readily equipped to take the kids to school.
- Junk mail: No I don't want to sell my house. Piss off.
- Take 5 magazine: Cindy Brown, 43, of Dubbo has a new spice rack! Oh, good.
- Fitted sheets: Aside from the fact that they don't ever actually fit on beds, you can't put them on, you can't get them off, and you can't fold them. Fucking stupid fucking sheets.
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Bluetooth, it really can be used for something
By Tim - 11:07 AM, Sunday, November 17, 2002 - 2 Comments
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Which I go on to show in my latest article How to get streaming music on your iPAQ, or how Bluetooth is unsupported and crap. I take you through the trials and tribulations of spending a fortune on being cutting edge when because people can't write decent drivers your cutting edge equipment is useless.
In a side note, I just realised we've been running this site for well over a year... and in another side note, I unconsciously wrote "shite" instead of site. I don't know why I changed it... |
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OMG OMG OMG!!11!
By Tim - 8:25 PM, Wednesday, November 13, 2002 - 3 Comments
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Whilst trawling through our amusing tracking content (most popular keyword: penis), I noticed we had some visitors from cacher2-ext.wise.edt.ericsson.se!!1! OMG!! Ericsson! Anyone who knows me knows I am the biggest Ericsson fanboy. In fact I'm working on a huge Bluetooth spiel right now. I own a T68i with a bluetooth headset blah blah, so if you guys want a FAVOURABLE REVIEW *nudge wink*, feel free to send any stuff our way! :D
I'll ignore the fact they were using Netscape 3 and it actually appeared next to an optus IP address also using Netscape 3, so even though I'm tempted to call shenanigans I won't.
I also noticed my own IP address on there way too many times :(
BTW for all the people out there who are just plain IGNORANT, GO HERE NOW! |
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Mr. Black Is Back, Jack
By Michael - 2:22 PM, Tuesday, November 12, 2002 - 2 Comments
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I haven't had much to say in the past week or so. Work is slowly consuming more and more of my thoughts outside of work, and I'm worried I'm going to turn a gray colour and start speaking in a monotone voice. But I just heard that Vin Diesel is starting his own games company. What a champion. Apparently he's a self-confessed video game junkie, which of course is impossible since he's a hunk of man (I'm not gay, but I wouldn't mind a slice of Old Vin), and we all know that your video game addiction is inversely proportional to your health and posture.
In other important news, I changed my desktop background today, and spent the entire day at work with my shoes off. Yes, life is exciting.
One last thing, if anyone out there in the dark abyss that is my arse crack the internet has 3D modelling skills (especially vehicles and weapons) and wants to be involved in a side-project of mine, please let me know.
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4BG has moved
By Adam - 12:36 PM, Tuesday, November 12, 2002 - 1 Comment
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...to Caroline Springs!
 That's right, we've bought a lovely two storey mansion in Melbourne's premier living space. There are no pavements, but that's all right because we get a LAKE! Our very own lake! Complete with novelty geyser! Also there are no streets; they're called shtreets because it's easier to say.
We've already started planning a family. Our wife Shaz is getting ready for the birth of our new daughter by bleaching her mullet and buying new tracky-dacks and mocassins. Little Taniyesha is due in February, by which time we hope to insert a silent H in her name. |
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Four nice guys
By Tim - 7:07 PM, Monday, November 11, 2002 - 2 Comments
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Okay so we didn't earn our monikers by posting this sort of shit, but what the hell.
From some guys:
In June 2000, a very good friend of mine, 22 years old, named Jeff Luers, known as "Free" to his friends, whom I used to help build tree-sits with to save old-growth forests near Eugene, Oregon, decided to set fire to an SUV in a deserted car dealership - to make a statement about global warming. 3 vehicles were damaged causing about 40,000 dollars worth of property destruction. No one was ever harmed or even in danger. Still, they gave him a 23 year sentence - virtually a life sentence for a 22 year old - who deserves to be out in the forests he worked hard to protect. See the website I made for him below.
http://www.freefreenow.org
It sounds all a bit hippyish and crap, but it does sound pretty harsh and fuck I hate SUVs. Anyone who sets fire to them must be our kinda guy. We don't know how the hell to help, we're just good at being bitter. Maybe someone else can do something and then we can pretend like we helped. |
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Homosexuality, sex, cults, killing spammers and more
By Tim - 8:08 PM, Wednesday, November 6, 2002 - 3 Comments
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I'm so bored...
By Adam - 8:43 AM, Wednesday, November 6, 2002 - 4 Comments
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...that I just made myself a peanut butter and M&M's sandwich. It tastes exactly like peanut butter and M&M's, and I heartily recommend it.
Yesterday I was looking at magazines in a newsagent, and this old bloke next to me said 'what's that smell?' I ignored him, but then he turned to me and said, 'is that you? That smell, is it you?' I said 'uh... I... don't... know', and he stood right up against me and said 'well whatever it is, it's nice. Nice smell. Is that you? I like it. Nice smell. Nice.' I swiftly left the newsagent, walked a few hundred feet and looked over my shoulder. The weird bloke was following me. Then I ran away very quickly. And that is the end of my anecdote.
I'll update Ask 4BG just as soon as I work out how to do it, so rest assured we're not deliberately ignoring you. They said if I delete any files by mistake I will actually die. |
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This is my last contribution as a Bitter Guy
By Adam - 2:50 PM, Monday, November 4, 2002 - 8 Comments
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 Because when the guys hear I got a Kylie album this weekend, they'll kick me out in a heartbeat. So, what can I whinge about in the few minutes remaining? Hmmm. Let me see. Okay, got one.
Melbourne has this new thing called Federation Square. It's big, it's cumbersome, it's pointless, and according to Important People it 'rivals the Sydney Opera House in landmark design'. Nice they think so, because it's a pile of shit. There's an art gallery, a television studio, a restaurant, some other crap, and nobbly paving you can't even skate on. Being sick didn't help, coughing and sneezing and snorting and farting all over the place. Nor did losing sleep due to incredible sinus pain, nor the pints of mucus that poured out my nose, nor the giant flaky bleeding crevasses in my nostrils from constant blowing, nor the monster headaches that prevented me stringing together a coherent sentence, nor the ability to separate good music from bad. At least I have a Kylie album now, and if I get bored with it I can open the cover and look at her killer body for a few hours. Maybe she'll come round for tea and biscuits. What? Why are you looking at me like that? |
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It's done!
By Miles - 10:45 AM, Monday, November 4, 2002 - 9 Comments
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I finally finished my 4th Year project.
It's 179 pages long. That's 12,000 odd words of text alone, and 18,000 words of code. Thank god that's done.
One more project, two exams to go.... argh!!! A beer sounds good about now... |
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Neighbours
By Tim - 9:43 PM, Friday, November 1, 2002 - 9 Comments
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Seriously, who feels the need to slam their door shut at 1am because their neighbour is having 1 cigarette on THEIR balcony. And this is a balcony that leads on to the living room, and their lights aren't even on? Jesus H Christ, stop being such a wuss and learn to enjoy the free nicotine.
In other news, we're calling for a new Ask 4 Bitter Guys so we can try Adam out with his advice for the young and hopeless. Send your unanswerable and socially awkward questions (this means you Ben McG) to 4bitterguys@4bitterguys.com and expect some life-changing advice to follow soon. |
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Where's that other bitter guy? Whatshisname?
By Miles - 5:36 AM, Friday, November 1, 2002 - 18 Comments
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Miles. It's Miles. I may not have as many groupies as Michael*, but you could at least remember my name.
I have a very good excuse for not posting recently. I've been finishing my 4th year of my Engineering degree - I've got two reports left to hand in (almost finished) and one exam, then I'm done. Next year I have to make up some points, but it's all arse subjects - Cinema Studies is one of the more challenging. In fact, over half of my subjects will be first year... meanwhile it's my 5th year of uni. Score!!
With a lack of anything witty to say, I think I'll put up an amusing picture of Ches to cover my arse. It seems to work for the others. 
He was meant to come round and do something with Michael and our housemate, but instead had a bit of a detour at the pub... seven pints later he rocked up to our place (Michael being long gone). The poor bastard could barely stand, in fact all he could do was fart and giggle, but he was still keen as to go out... I had to put some Tool on, turn the lights out, and just leave him in the lounge room. He thought it was a party or something and eventually passed out.
Being the awesome friends we are, Michael and I thought it would be hilarious to take a photo of him while he was passed out. So here you go. The one on the far right is actually him the other night, but it fits the tone.
  
If anyone wants these in a desktop friendly 1600x1200 version, let me know. God I love having a digital camera. Wait until you see the next batch of photoshopped Ches pictures. They're going to be un-real.
* Okay, so I don't have any at all. |
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