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October 2003
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Slack Bastard
By Adam - 7:34 AM, Wednesday, October 29, 2003 - 5 Comments |
First contribution in ages! This is what full-time work and part-time second-year uni does to your brain. Anything that takes more than thirty seconds falls by the wayside. Here, have an anecdote:
Melbourne CBD has a brand new Big W ('variety' shop). I was walking around the video games section (as you do), and this woman in her late 20s was looking at the PlayStation 2 games. Two friends were with her, looking incredibly bored, while she was saying to them: "Ohhh! FIFA 2004!! This game's excellent! It's really really good, the best FIFA game you can get! The AI's really good, way better than FIFA 2003!! Sorry, sorry, I won't be long, just want to have a quick look..." She spent the next few minutes alternately seeing other games and getting all excited, and apologising to her bored-looking friends for holding them up.
Here's the weird bit: She was female, she was very attractive, she was wearing business attire, and she didn't smell. Really. I didn't think geeks like this existed outside fairy tales.
In other news, the same shop had Kylie chocolate christmas advent calendars. Yes, Kylie chocolate christmas advent calendars. I want one.
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Other people can hear apart from you and I.
By Tim - 4:47 PM, Tuesday, October 21, 2003 - 6 Comments
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I have a problem.
Y'see, my sheila, s'much as I love her, has a problem that in turn affects me.
She forgets other people nearby can hear what she says.
For example, we were driving home the other day, and some guy is walking across the road, extremely leisurely, so she says quite loudly "I didn't realise this road suddenly grew a pedestrian crossing". Meanwhile the windows are wide open and we're right next to him. Okay, no biggy you say, just amusing. I mean, the guy laughed too.
Next, I'm being dragged to a wedding expo. Christ, enough for a news post as it is, but then I very quietly ask her if she spotted where the toilet was when we came in (hoping to escape out its window). She obviously doesn't hear me properly, and feels need to repeat what I said. "What? You want to go to the toilet? Want me to take you?"
Jebus. Then today, as I'm pulling into my garage, my neighbour, who has 4 cars and lives in an apartment, is out covering the back of his ute tray. He also owns a gigantic old beat up van, and he spends copious amounts of time in his garage. I've spotted saws and lawnmowers in there, and again, he lives in an apartment. So as I get out to unlock the garage door, she asks me "How come you locked the garage door?". I indicate to the neighbour who has his back to us, poke my head inside the car and whisper "Yeah, you never know, especially because he acts as if he's a serial killer ". She looks at me strangely for a second and then says in a loud voice "Oh, haha, yeah he could be a murderer hey"
Cripes. |
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The Evils of Alcohol
By Miles - 1:58 PM, Friday, October 17, 2003 - 6 Comments
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 You know, I've had an idea for a 4BG post for a couple of weeks now, where I was going to recount two amusing incidents which happened to me because of alcohol ruining my brain, but when I went to write it I'd actually forgotten what I was going to write.
How ironic.
Anyway, I did eventually remember the "amusing" little anecdotes of my travels with this wonder drug over the last couple of weeks. In particular, I had one night the other week where it all went pear-shaped with my drinking.
I went out with Michael to the Piano Bar off Chapel St, and got to drink overpriced crownies and enjoy what delicious song and dance numbers the local arts community had to offer us (no, that wasn't the anecdote).
I decided enough was enough around midnight and started walking home - I swear to god I didn't feel that drunk, but about halfway back I really, really needed to pee. The weird thing about peeing in public while drunk is, I don't mind doing it when mates are around, but I feel like a degenerate when doing it by myself. I'm sure people will tell me what they think about that in the comments for this article. So I vowed to hang on - given I was taking the backstreets home, there were no pubs or fast food joints to take advantage of on the way - so I started running home.
So I make it back to my street and start walking at a more leisurely pace. As I'm walking down the road, I see a girl walking up towards me by herself. Now here's the thing - I thought I was in pretty good shape, but in fact I was pissed as all hell. I was sort of lurching from side to side, puffing like mad, but trying to keep it all together as not to scare this girl. So of course, just as I pass her I manage to kick a can right at her. *sigh* I am a buffoon.
The next stupid thing I managed to do, was think it was a good idea to have a couple more drinks when I got back - I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDN'T FEEL THAT PISSED. Maybe. I have a few beers, think "I might watch Equilibrium on my Xbox." I turn on my electric blanket (curse you Melbourne), lie down, and the next thing I know it's 4am, the lights are on, my bed is a furnace, and the Xbox is still sitting on the intro screen.
What. The. Fuck?
In happier news, I've spent a week, yes, a week, without touching a drop of alcohol. It's amazing what a Uni assignment will do to even the most ardent of alcoholics. And here's the rub - I have a 21st this weekend with free booze and I won't be drinking much then either. Am I being good or what? |
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A Guide to Britney Spears
By Michael - 3:08 PM, Sunday, October 5, 2003 - 2 Comments
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It's time to sex things up. Have a link to goofypoontang.com. Definitely not safe for work. And hey, while I'm here and in a rude and silly mood, here are 5 of my favourite euphemisms for male masturbation: Hatchin' a batch. Making a knuckle hot dog. Going into manual override. Shaking the coconut milk of love from the leafless palm trunk. Giving yourself a hot-butter nuggie. And oh, here's my Guide to Britney Spears:
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