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January 2003
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Jimmy Olsen
By Spoonfan - 9:31 AM, Monday, January 27, 2003 - 8 Comments |
I'm sure some of you are aware of the fact that former Superman actor and lovable quadriplegic Christopher Reeve was in Australia recently, on a holiday funded by the NSW government.
I had the opportunity to speak with Mr Reeve briefly, and while he didn't have time for a proper 4BG interview, he was kind enough to sign my N64 Superman game and pose for a quick snap.
My photo of the man. | 
My now priceless Superman 64 cover. |
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4BG Merchandise!
By Michael - 10:01 PM, Saturday, January 25, 2003 - 2 Comments
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Now you can own your very own 4BG mouse pad, baseball jersey, panties or many more items! Check it out at our new merchandise section! Personalised g-strings coming soon! Be sure to send us a photo of you strutting your stuff in your new gear if you would like to be included on our (soon to be) fans page! :) |
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20 Fun Things To Do When You're In A Shopping Centre Alone
By Adam - 5:42 PM, Friday, January 24, 2003 - 7 Comments
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What. The. Hell?
By Tim - 2:15 PM, Wednesday, January 22, 2003 - 2037 Comments
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I was reading Time magazine today and there was an article entitled "How to sell XXXL". I thought "ah, it'll be some cruddy article about accommodating fat people on planes or something." Instead, it's about the change in market in clothes, cars, furniture, MEDICAL EQUIPMENT, entertainment and of course, travel.
Jesus christ, I can't believe some of this stuff exists! Go to http://www.kingsizedirect.com/ and marvel at their 10XL size shirts! Or how about http://www.amplestuff.com/ where you can *buy* a rag on a stick?  Or a leg lifter? 
I mean, I'm all for making their lives a bit more comfortable, but how about selling some gym equipment? How about explaining shit like calories and good ways of losing them while not going on crash diets? It's sick how it's become okay to be obese in the US. I felt bloody bad enough being overweight for several years and ended up doing something about it, but I never got to the point where I had to use a tilting chair to get up.
I have only known in my entire life, ONE morbidly obese person. Sure, you occasionally see them in a shopping centre or something, no big deal. What in god's name is like over in the US? Are you all fat now? I remember the shock of when I went to Disneyland as a kid, and saying to my parents "Why are there so many fat people here?" before getting shushed. I've been told it's now worse. What's going on people??? |
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Useful advice for the young and upcoming
By Tim - 9:57 PM, Tuesday, January 21, 2003 - 1 Comment
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There are many unforeseen pitfalls in life, and the only thing that can prevent them is to be prepared. If I'd known way back when I was a young whipper-snapper, moving into my first own place, what I know now, life certainly would've been a lot more fun. As such, I've compiled a list of useful rules for living in an apartment. Every young person should read and learn.
Get all the info right here. |
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Photoshop Competition
By Miles - 9:13 PM, Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 4 Comments
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Caption competition
By Tim - 2:09 PM, Saturday, January 18, 2003 - 18 Comments
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Add your captions to the comments section:
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What was that about 4BG Merchandise?
By Miles - 7:46 PM, Tuesday, January 14, 2003 - 13 Comments
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So, who's first in line? |
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Looking for a change?
By Michael - 1:30 PM, Sunday, January 12, 2003 - 2 Comments
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If you're sick of your current keyboard, why not try something new? Introducing the Microsoft Unnatural Keyboard Pro. Carefully designed by Microsoft technicians, this exquisite piece of input technology will seriously put your typing ability to the challenge!
Also, we're thinking about setting up some form of online store for 4BG merchandise. If you would be interested, please take a second and vote for what you'd like to buy in our current online poll! (Look down and to the left to find it.)
And in other news, why the fuck won't my fucking Internet Explorer save fucking images as fucking JPGs instead of fucking "untitled.bmp". F-fucking-uck. |
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I think we need to update the photos of Tim on 4BG.
By Miles - 6:09 PM, Saturday, January 11, 2003 - 10 Comments
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What do you think?
Before and after:
 
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Writhing to loud thumps
By Tim - 8:15 PM, Friday, January 10, 2003 - 3 Comments
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Or apparently as it's called locally, "dancing".
Last night whilst getting pissed with my twin bitter guy and two honourary bitter guys, I was introduced to this amazing concept.
Apparently, you get a small, enclosed area. Add some flashing lights of different colours, and play the most hideous and eye-watering bad music, perhaps even with a video to match. Add people drunk enough to be a fire hazard and enjoy the hilarity of the ensuing mating ritual.
I can understand enjoying music. I can understand enjoying music at loud volumes. I can understand tapping in time to the beat. I can't understand waving your arms around as if you're having an epileptic fit.
The end. |
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Michael Jackson sex doll
By Michael - 7:53 PM, Thursday, January 9, 2003 - 8 Comments
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 Oh my fucking god. I was trolling the bowels of the internet (as I often do on a weeknight) and came across this. Don't ask how or why... just click it. (Unless you're at work. Then you might want to go to a page a little less sexual.)
HOW FUCKING SCARY IS THAT? A SEX DOLL THAT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
 It's *fucking* *Michael Jackson* with *gigantic tits* and a *vagina*. What. The. Fuck.
(Wow, this post is going to do wonders for our percentage of perverted readers when they find this through Google when they're searching for "MICHAEL JACKSON SCARY SEX".) |
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The Movie Guru
By Michael - 4:08 PM, Monday, January 6, 2003 - 13 Comments
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I can't begin to explain why, but when I was somewhere around the age of 16, my parents came to the conclusion that, on seeing a movie at the cinema, it was more reliable and faster to ask me which movies were good rather than read about them in the paper or on the internet. At first I thought this was a decision of convenience, but on moving out of home, they began calling me.
Dad: "Hi son! We're off to the cinema! What looks good?"
Me: "Hmm? Oh, I don't know, what's out?"
Dad: "Well, there's that one with Bruce Willis in it. Or there's that one about the surfers."
Me: "Hmm. The one about the surfers is a kids movie. Mum's not going to enjoy the Bruce Willis flick."
Dad: "Ah, okay." (long pause) "How about the new Tom Clancy one?" I quickly discovered this was becoming a trend. It was particularly bad now because since starting work full-time, I barely had the opportunity to see films. I must be the only human alive who still hasn't seen Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers yet. But I don't think they'll be calling me for advice anymore after last night's ordeal. Try to spot the mistake.
Dad: "Hello! We're going to see a movie, is the one with Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock in it good?"
Me: "Oh, you mean Two Weeks Notice?"
Dad: "That's it!"
Me: "Hmm, I don't know, I haven't seen it. It looks like a bit of a chick flick. Mum would like it, but she hates Hugh Grant."
Dad: "Ahh, okay. What about Master of Disguise? What's that about?"
Me: "Ohh! That's the one with Leonardo di Caprio in it, he plays a really young con artist. It looks really good. See that!"
Dad: "Okay! Thanks! See ya!" Two hours later, I receive an SMS:
SON, THAT MOVIE WAS TERRIBLE. WE LEFT HALF WAY THROUGH TO SEE LORD OF THE RINGS THE TWO TOWERS. -DAD Immediately, I realise I just recommended that they see the Dana Carvey kid's film. I burst out laughing; it was an honest mistake. The image of them staring at the screen, watching Dana Carvey make really annoying voices in a turtle suit, rolled around in my head for the next ten minutes, tears streaming down my face.
Two birds with one stone! |
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New Barbecue
By Adam - 6:25 PM, Friday, January 3, 2003 - 9 Comments
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It's one of them barbecues what you have to cure before you can use it. Curing involves washing the hotplates, burning them for five hundred years, scraping the crap off them and washing them again. Simple enough.
Right, so there I am, out in my horrible depressing outer-suburban backyard, in thirty-six degree heat and eighty percent humidity, picking up the hotplates to bring them in for a quick scrub. THUNK. THU-THUNK. BONG-G-G-G-G. Remembering they each weigh six hundred tonnes, I had a swift rethink and brought each hotplate into the house separately, gave them a scrub, took them out again, dropped one on my foot, rescued it, and set them all back on the top of the barbecue.
The instructions said to cover each hotplate with canola oil before lighting the barbecue. I think I erred slightly with the measurement here because I sorta kinda used two pints, and most of it went straight into the half-pint-capacity drip tray. Never mind, I'll just empty it and carry on. So far so good. Turn the gas on... foomph. Nice.
Now, it's difficult enough attending a lit barbecue for five minutes, but by the time the plates went the funny colour it said in the manual, I'd been standing out there for forty minutes. After completely failing to soak a whole pint of canola oil off the top of the solid hotplate with paper towels, I tipped it up and oil went all down the outside of the barbecue. Not that I noticed, what with the paper towels burning through the plastic bag I was holding and dripping bastardly hot oil on my bare foot.
Ah, water, that'll do the trick. Rinse the barbecue and cool the plates, ready to be picked up! Good thinking! Would have worked too, had I not minded several litres of oily water overflowing onto the landing. Never mind, the hotplates are no longer hot. Ripping. Turn off the gas by reaching for the gas bottle, missing by twelve inches and burn the skin off my right hand. Fuck! Fume... fume... fume. Calm. Rush the plates inside for a bit of a scrub as per the instruction booklet, which at this point informed me that I should have a wire brush ready. A WIRE BRUSH?!?? Ah... calm. Steel wool will be fine. Yes.
So, after a good hour of trying to scrub christ-knows-what off the stupid dumb bloody hotplates with tiny bits of steel wool, making a hideous mess in the kitchen and getting oil everywhere, I lurched them back out to the backyard in order to cook my first meal. THUNK. THU-THUNK. BONG-G-G-G-G. ARGH YOU STUPID FUCKING HOTPLATES!! BANG BANG BANG
Ahem. Calm... calm... calm. Ahhhh.
Now, mount the hotplates... done. Turn on the gas... burn my hand again. FUCK!!!!! Calm. Grrrr. Calm. Right. Light the elements... done. Oooh, that one's slightly crooked! I'll just tap it... tap... tap... tap CRUNCH. Because, you know, after the most painful afternoon of my life, I was really quite happy that I'd just broken my brand new fucking barbecue. So there I am, down on my knees in thirty-six degree heat, sweating like a postcoital warthog, screaming obscenities that would make Trent Reznor balk in disgust, whacking the shit out of a barbecue element in the hope that it would learn its lesson and bloody well behave. On reflection, this was probably a bad time to attempt tipping a bucket of canola-oid fat-absorbent rocks into the bin, because they went fucking everywhere but the bin, thereby covering that few remaining square inches of the kitchen that had not yet been covered in stray canola oil, in stray canola oil.
And then I had barbecued lamb and it was delicious. The end.
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Fags and nerds
By Michael - 12:29 PM, Thursday, January 2, 2003 - 12 Comments
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 What the hell is with this website? It is named after and (surprisingly) focuses around IBM Model M keyboards (circa 1984). If you like a keyboard, hey, that's fine, tell the world, it's your prerogative. But why would you make an entire site about it? Why have page after page of "Model M content" with pathetic "Model M" rehashes of jokes? I'll answer my own question: Because you look like the guy to the right.
All the smokers out there may be sick and tired of the warning labels which slap you in the face and call you a whore (or don't bother you at all, thanks to that glazed over look in your eyes) every time you smoke a cigarette. It is with my great pleasure that I present Cigarette Packet Warnings for 2003. |
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